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Rosh
Hashanah Jokes |
A Catholic chauffeur was bragging to his friend how well the Jewish
family who employed him treated him. "You wouldn't believe it," he said.
"I get tips galore, and they always buy me lunch or dinner when I drive.
My salary is great, with benefits! I get off all holidays, including the
Jewish ones, like Rosh Hashanah."
"That sounds pretty good," said the friend. "But what's Rosh Hashanah?"
"Oh, that's when they blow the shofar**."
"Wow!" said the amazed friend. "Those are SOME benefits!"
(** The Shofar, a ram's horn, is the oldest wind instrument. The
sounding of the Shofar is the most ancient rite in the
Rosh HaShana observances.) |
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A Jewish parent calls his son in New York. The father says to David, "I hate to tell you, but your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we are divorcing. That's it!! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."
The father hangs up, and David immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news.
The sister says, "I'll handle this." The sister calls Florida and gets her
father on the phone. She pleads to her father, "Don't do
ANYTHING 'til David and I get there! We will be there Friday night."
The father says, "All right, all right already."
When the father hangs up the phone he hollers to his wife, "Okay,
they're coming for Rosh Hashana |
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Ben Cohen is a devoutly religious man who believes in the power of prayer. His house is caught in the rising waters of a devastating flood. A row boat comes by to rescue him; he
refuses it because he waits for his God to save him. As the
waters rise Cohen climbs higher and higher up his house,
refusing each successive boat that comes by. Finally he
drowns and goes to heaven. He complains bitterly to the Lord that he was such a good Jew and
yet the Lord had forsaken him "How can you say that?" the Lord retorts. "I sent four
boats for you!" |
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